Rather than giving you contentment, every relationship gives you a tremendous discontentment. Each relationship fails in this world -- and it is good that it fails; it would have been a curse if it was not so. It is a blessing that it fails.
Because each relationship fails, that's why you start searching for the ultimate relationship with God, with existence, with the cosmos. You see the futility again and again, that it is not going to be satisfied by any man, by any woman; that each experience ends in tremendous frustration, begins in great hope and leaves you in great hopelessness.
It is always so, it comes with great romance and ends in a bitter taste. When it happens again and again, one has to learn something -- that each relationship is only experimentation to prepare you for the ultimate relationship, for the ultimate love affair. That's what religion is all about.
You say: "What is this longing in me that no relationship can satisfy?"
That is the longing for God. You may know it, you may not know it. You may not be able yet to articulate it, exactly what it is, because in the beginning, it is very vague, cloudy, surrounded by great mist. But it is the longing for God, it is the longing to merge with the whole, so there is no separation any longer.
You cannot merge with a man or a woman forever, the separation is bound to happen. The merger can only be momentary, and after that moment is gone you will be left in great darkness.
It is good, Kavita, that you are not satisfied with your relationships. Indians are very satisfied because in fact there is no relationship at all. It is marriage, it has nothing to do with relationship. Parents decide it, and astrologers and palmists. It has nothing to do with the persons who are going to get married; they are not even asked, they are simply put into a certain situation where they start living together. It is not a relationship. They may produce children, but it is not loved; there is nothing of romance in it. But one thing is good about it: it is very stable. When there is no relationship there is no possibility of divorce.
Divorce is possible only if there is love. Try to understand me. Love means great hope, love means "I have arrived." Love means "I have found the woman or the man." Love means the feeling that "We are made for each other." Love means now there is no need to search any more.
If you start with such great hope, by the time the honeymoon is over the relationship will be over. These great hopes cannot be fulfilled by human beings. You are hoping that the woman is a goddess; she is not. She is hoping the man is a god; he is not. Now, how long can they go on deceiving each other? Sooner or later they will start seeing the actual. They will see the fact, and the fiction will start evaporating.
No relationship can satisfy, because every relationship begins with great hope, and that is not possible to be fulfilled. Yes, that hope can be fulfilled, but it can be fulfilled only when you have fallen in love with the whole. No part can fulfil it. When you have fallen IN LOVE WITH THE TOTAL, when the merger happens with the total, only then will there be contentment.
The Book Of Wisdom #23 Behind the Master's Hands